Words cannot express how I felt on that life-changing day. It was April 11, 2011, the day after my birthday.

My mother-in-law sat on the couch with me as my son played with toys on the floor. My husband listened in via phone because he was on an extended deployment to the Middle East. Extreme anxiety set in as the psychologist shared with us why she thought our oldest son met the diagnostic criteria for autism spectrum disorder.

I remember walking out of the office thinking that my life would never be the same.  And I was right.  It has not been the same.

On that day, I grieved, I cried and I prayed. I held my son very tight and loved on him with everything that I had.

I will never forget that day or the days that followed.  I struggled to have hope when hope seemed to be unreasonable.  There were overwhelming thoughts and fears that things would never get better.  I wondered if my son would ever call me, “mommy,” or if he would ever develop a true and loving relationship with me because he seemed so distant.  It was rough for quite a while.

It’s been 7 years since that day and a lot has changed for the better! Here’s 7 things that I would tell myself if I could go back to the day of my son’s autism diagnosis.

1. Yes, your child’s journey may be different from other children, but the journey is still going to be beautiful! Don’t get caught up in comparing your child with others! Rejoice at every milestone, no matter how small. Your son is wonderfully and fearfully made! Educate yourself on his autism diagnosis, but don’t focus so much on it that you miss out on the simple joys of motherhood.
2. Your son will surprise you! It won’t always be this way. It may not happen over night, but you will have many victories.  Your son will eventually start talking more and will love you dearly. He will even have a preferred hair style for you! Watch and see!
3. Don’t listen to what man says about your son.  With God, all things are possible! Don’t let people put limits on your son and don’t you do it either! Keep taking him to therapy and watch God move! Keep exposing him to different things and never give up! One day, he’s going to participate in Taekwondo and make beautiful artwork that many will love!
4. Establish a good support system! It will help you through the rough times. Don’t try to go through this alone.  The enemy will have a field day with your mind if you do! Get a good circle of friends that you can vent to, cry on and share accomplishments with. Surround yourself with people that will pray for you and encourage you.  Teach family and friends how to help you and your son so that you can have a break every once in a while.
5. You can still continue your career, but it won’t look like what you imagined. Get creative about how you can utilize your degrees and skills while still being available for your son.  Volunteer in your career field and get active in professional organizations. Keep up your certifications and never stop learning! Your earning potential may not be what it could be, but the rewards will be great!
6. God will use your experiences to uplift and bless others! There is power in sharing your testimony! Don’t allow grief and shame to hold you down! When you open up and share your story, others will share with you in secret and in public.  You will soon develop a network of support persons all over the world going through the same thing and it will be of great help to you!
7. Never underestimate the power of self care. It’s one of the most important things you can do for yourself and your son! Have regularly scheduled activities for YOURSELF that are stress free and relaxing.  It can be easy to lose yourself when you are taking care of a special needs child, but getting away on a regular basis will allow you to come back refreshed and in a better mindset to care for your son. And by the way, if you feel yourself getting stressed, depressed and hopeless, seek help! Get counseling from a qualified professional that can help you put things into perspective.

There are so many other things that I can share, but I’ll save that for later. Maybe you or someone you know has a child that recently received an autism diagnosis and you feel yourself trying to figure out how to cope with it all. I pray that my reflections 7 years later will give you encouragement and strength to move forward with optimism and hope!

With Love,

Tonya

P.S.  What is one thing you would tell yourself if you could go back in time?