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Know Who To Go To

Friends and family are special to us.  They are closest to us, but can also hurt us the most.

We rely on our friends and family for advice, comfort, encouragement, and just a plain ole good time.  These are the people that you can be totally transparent with and share your true inner emotions with. 

Despite this being the case, you have to know who to go to for certain situations.

For example, you may have a friend that is a great encourager.  Another friend may be great for a good laugh.  A family member may have excellent practical advice.  You have to know what area your friends and family members are strong in so that you can rely on that area if you are in need. 

On the flipside, you may have a friend or family member that lacks tact and compassion. That is not a person that you would go to when you are feeling down.  You may have a friend that is not a good listener, so you wouldn’t go to them when you just want to talk.

Failing to heed this advice can cause emotional pain and strained relationships.

You can even take this same concept into the sport of basketball.  Dennis Rodman was one of the greatest rebounders of all time, but you wouldn’t necessarily trust in him to hit that game winning three pointer.  If your team is down by two points with 10 seconds left in the game and the other team has the ball, you will utilize Rodman to get the rebound, but you will have him pass the ball to someone that has a track record of hitting successful threes for the game winning three pointer.

I had a situation in which I talked to the wrong person about a situation I was going through in life.  Instead of feeling better after the conversation, I felt worse because this person tried to belittle me for feeling the way that I felt.  This person also talked negatively about me to others regarding this same situation.

I have kept my feelings inside for a majority of my life.  I felt like it was not okay to cry because others would perceive you as weak.  I used to feel like it was important to be strong all the time.  

When I talked to this person about my situation, I allowed myself to be vulnerable.  I wasn’t throwing a pity party by no means.  I was just being honest.

I did not expect them to lash out at me for sharing my true feelings about the situation.  I didn’t expect them to basically give me a speech about how I was wrong to feel the way that I felt because others have been through worse.  I didn’t expect them to tear me down and talk about me to others.

What I did expect out of this person was for them to listen to me.  For them to care.  For them to make suggestions on how they could help me through this situation.   I expected them to show some compassion and be supportive, because the situation certainly warranted it.

At that very moment, I learned that it is important to know who to go to.

Sometimes, you may be going through a situation in which none of your friends and family may be able to help you. 

But remember, you are never alone.

God is always there and He knows exactly what you are going through.  He knows all the concerns on your heart and He is able to calm all of your fears. 

So as I go through this situation, I continue to trust in God to be a friend and a protector.   He has shown me who I can go to for support.

Thank you God for teaching me the lesson of knowing who to go to.

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{ 5 comments… add one }
  • Anonymous May 29, 2009, 11:12 AM

    Amen on that post! Proverbs 4:23 says “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” Everyone is not equipped to provide sound advice. As you gave an example, some can even make you feel worse regarding a situation. But, we live and we learn and ask God for His sound wisdom.

    Erica L. Butler

  • Jolyn May 28, 2009, 2:58 PM

    I am so sorry this happened to you. Unfortunately, compassion and discretion are not always a given in people we may consider to be friends. It does make us treasure those friends that much more who do practice these very important traits. Thank you Holy Spirit for the discernment we need, especially in this lifestyle when we have a need and opportunity to make new friendships often and very quickly.

  • Liz May 28, 2009, 11:11 AM

    I think it was meant that I happened upon your bog today! I am just sitting her, trying to work, but wrestling a bit with how to react to something involving my kids. And I’m mulling which of my friends to ask — which are in similar enough circumstances that they’ll understand, have been through it, perhaps, and can give me good advice! As your experience is, I think 1 or 2 would dismiss my feelings and I really need good advice before I say the wrong thing. It’s heartening to know others feel this way as well.

    At the same time, I’m trying to be very aware of how God has shaped each and every one of us, and is “directing” (for lack of a better word) our behavior and actions. A great book for explaining this is “The Missing Link: Revealing Spiritual Genetics,” by the Drs. Arno. Great insights into why we are the way we are from a Christian perspective, and that understanding is helping me a great deal, in having better relationships. Maybe it can help you, too. In the meantime, today, when I need it, I know I’m not alone in my thoughts.

  • Wendi@Every Day Miracles May 28, 2009, 10:08 AM

    I’m so glad you visited my blog! This was a great post, as were others of yours that I read.

    Very encouraging! Keep up the great writing!

  • Krystal May 28, 2009, 7:01 AM

    Knowing who to go to is important. Whenever I’ve had experiences like this in my life, I make sure that I don’t allow myself to become bitter or angry against the person. What I DO do is I reassess their position in my life: Do they still belong in my Holy of Holies? Or do they belong on the Inner Court. Or, better yet, the Outer Court.

    Sometimes we think more highly of people than they deserve, and when we realize that, we have to back up and simply reevaluate where we’ve placed them.

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